iandthoureflections

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 5

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality
Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol

Lesson #5: Accepting a Situation for What it is Can be Good for the Soul

Divorce Times Two

Camilla and Andrew’s marriage ended in 1995. The Prince and Princess of Wales’s union officially ended in 1996. As in most families of divorce, it is most difficult on the children. Camilla’s children, a son and a daughter were a bit older at 17 and 20, and hopefully, they weathered it as best they could. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. Prince William was 14, and Prince Harry was 11. A very rough period for boys in an intact family, let alone a divorced one. Not to mention the under-the-microscope life they live for the world to see. When you think of it, Diana’s death one year later, in 1997, would be enough to throw anyone off the train tracks. That was an enormous amount of loss and stress.

Charles & Camilla…Finally!

These two divorces cleared the way for Prince Charles to finally be with Camilla, the woman he had loved all along. It was no surprise that Prince Charles would marry Camilla with or without the Queen’s blessing. They wed in 2005.

The Blended Family

By then, Prince William was 23, and Prince Harry was 21. It is easy to imagine the two young men emotionally carrying the burdens of being in a broken family.

The twenties are a time of “dynamic shifts for a young man,” per Susan Winter. She continues, “His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.”
Men’s Ages: What to Expect Throughout His 20’s – Susan Winter.

Blended families require extra patience and understanding. And a bit of family therapy too! Does love win? Maybe, maybe not. In the case of Prince Charles, his love for Diana lessened as his love for Camilla grew as time marched on. We know that his love for Camilla endured the test of time.

Love

So, you see, my kind, gentle readers, love plays a significant role in our lives. It helps us to be better people. A lesson we can all learn from Queen Elizabeth is her acceptance of Prince Charles and Camilla. If Queen Elizabeth can go from calling Camilla the “wicked woman” to the “Queen Consort,” reconciliations are in the realm of possibilities for you too!

After decades of scandal, Queen Elizabeth seemed to apologize to Camilla by appointing her as the Royal Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Yes, it was quite a reversal – wouldn’t you say? Perhaps it was Queen Elizabeth’s way of saying that she was accepting Camilla for the woman she was and that she was a woman who loved her son. In the case of Charles and Camilla, love won. But sometimes, there is a high price to pay for it.

Love with all your heart.

Value your relationships…they are worth more than gold and can be sweeter than chocolate.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

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I and Thou: Enduring Love

Help me to understand what will open an adult child’s heart,
To a mother who loves from the bottom of hers.

Enduring Love

Inhale, exhale, breathe
Radiant, brilliant, love…
Angelic, darling, blessing
Heartwarming, tender, love…
Soft, innocent, canvas
Soaking, smothering, love…
Tantrums, reasoning, scolding
Defiance, anger, love…
One sided, myopic, headstrong
Dagger, piercing, love…
Words, spoken, unspoken
Heartbroken, apologetic, love…
Emotions, escalating, uncontrollable
Turmoil, conflict, love…
Exposure, external, culture
Influential, distant, love…
Literal, physical, separation
Wretched, incomplete, love…
Conjectures, puzzles, confusion
Murky, respectful, love…
Reflections, introspection, self-identity
Safety, security, love…
Vulnerable, open, inviting
Reparations, acceptance, love…
Changing, growing, maturing
Compassionate, enduring, love.

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I and Thou – A Random Scroll of Love

My career services vocation started at Stevens Institute of Technology before the existence of social media. So, it was easy to lose track of the thousands of students who came and went over my thirteen-year tenure there. Yet, I did keep track of a few by the old-fashioned postcard or holiday greeting card method. Fast forward fifteen years, when Facebook and LinkedIn became integral to my daily routine. I could reconnect with hundreds of past and present students through these two social platforms. And what a delight it has been to see these awestruck young college graduates go off and live such extraordinary lives. I seldom comment although I give out thumbs-ups often. For me, it is a sign you matter. YOU do matter. And you matter to more people than you would imagine. It also, for me, doesn’t have anything to do with job title or success. It is all about love.

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found a delightful young couple posting a few of their recent wedding pictures. I met these fine people as college students in Arkansas. A little further down on the page, I saw a post from a student I met thirty years ago who was running the Philadelphia Marathon. Seeing the facial expressions on the couple and the runner was all about love. Love for each other. Love for passions. Love for life.

So, what seems to be a random scroll for some, for me, is someone’s life window and the privilege of peeking through.

Artist Credit: Fragments of My Childhood by Maria Varga-Hansen

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 4

To recap:

Lesson #1: Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well
Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality

This brings us to the next lesson.

Lesson #4: Sometimes it is Important to Break Protocol

Divorce

Two children and eleven years later, the famous royal couple, Charles and Diana, separated in 1992 and officially divorced in 1996. After the divorce, their relationship seemed to be less ruffled. After all, they had 50/50 custody of their children, and for the sake of the children, they each tried to do better. By this time, Diana had more or less accepted the inevitable: the relationship between Camilla and Charles was there to stay.

Death and Conundrums

One year later, Princess Diana left this earth in a tragic auto accident outside Paris. This was where it got wonky. Was there a protocol for this situation? Would she be treated as a royal member of the family? Or not? Queen Elizabeth was silent. The “institution” was quiet. There was no official announcement for five days. The public was outraged. How could this be?

Let’s set the stage.

Princess Diana, no longer a wife to Charles, was in France.
Queen Elizabeth, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, and the boys, William and Harry, were vacationing at Balmoral Castle in Scotland.
The “institution” was in England.

So, to start with, the deadly news was shocking. Shocking to the royal family. Shocking to the rest of the world. Because the public admired Diana’s resilience, honesty, and relatability, many loved her, and the tragic impact was felt around the globe.

Royals are Human Too

The royal family did what most families would do under these circumstances. They came together in solidarity to make the necessary arrangements, which were a bit fuzzy. First, there was the logistical nightmare of where all the key players were at the time of the accident, as cited above. Second, Princess Diana was no longer a member of the royal family. Or was she? She was undoubtedly the mother of the future King of England and Prince Harry. Thirdly, there were high expectations of a royal funeral. After all, she was still the People’s Princess.

Diana’s Funeral & Broken Protocol

As the world began to mourn Diana’s death, it became apparent that a private funeral would not suffice.

A spokeswoman for the palace told reporters, “This is a unique funeral for a unique person.”
The Untold Truth Of Princess Diana’s Funeral (grunge.com)

Queen Elizabeth supported a private ceremony, while Prince Charles and Diana’s brother encouraged having a more significant event. We will never know why the Queen thought what she did. But by allowing the elaborate funeral procession, the Queen clearly said something without saying a word. (She broke protocol.) Queen Elizabeth also ordered the Union Flag to be flown at half-staff, another break from protocol. It was her way of, an apology of sorts. Perhaps from a mother-in-law who may not have responded as lovingly and kindly as she should have or may have even wanted to. Her bowing at the casket was a sincere tribute to Diana’s legacy.

Granny Elizabeth

After Diana’s death, Queen Elizabeth seamlessly stepped more concretely into her grandmother’s role. A role she grew fond of as the years went on. She was the boys’ rock and was instrumental in their grief journey.

Diana’s Legacy

Princess Diana, beautiful and graceful as she was, was human too. With her battle with bulimia, self-injury, and feelings of worthlessness, she brought a “freshness” to the monarchy as she became known as the “relatable” princess. With courage and bravery, she prioritized her mental health and sought help. Her actions brought significant awareness to mental health.

But what is often forgotten is that Diana was also a paradox: under the magnificently poised image she presented to the world, she struggled with bulimia, self-injury, and lingering feelings of worthlessness.
Princess Diana’s Legacy on Mental Health, Eating Disorders | Time

She did indeed relate to the public. She brought attention to so many issues. Her quiet yet charismatic personality charmed the world. Princess Diana’s life and death were tragic. The media responded with relentlessness, and the world responded with love.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 3

In Lesson #1, Duty and Love Rarely Mix Well. Queen Elizabeth chose duty over love twice. Once, her sister wanted to marry a divorced Mr. Townsend. Then she dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla because she felt that Camilla was not “good enough” to be in the royal family.

Queen Elizabeth used her power and influence to derail the budding romance between Princess Charles and Camilla. In Lesson #2, we learned Mothers Don’t Always Know Best. We answered three questions. What does it mean to be “good enough?” What does it mean to be a positive role model? And what does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?”

Lesson #3: There is a Big Difference Between Illusions, Delusions, and Reality

Prince Charles and Diana

Prince Charles first met Diana when he was dating her sister, Sarah, in 1977. He delighted in Diana and her exuberance despite her being young and naive. In 1980, Prince Charles, 32, began dating Diana and six months later, in February of 1981, became engaged to Lady Diana Spencer, 19, the daughter of 8th Earl Spencer. So, right from the get-go, Diana had a title. As if to say to the world having a title makes you worthy. If you want to read more about worthiness, see “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2.”

An Illusion is What We See

The fairytale romance was not all that it seemed to be. Two weeks before their wedding, Diana found out that a personalized bracelet with Charles and Camilla’s nicknames had been given to Camilla from Charles a few days before the wedding. It did not sit well with Diana. Young and inexperienced, she wanted to call the wedding off. Yet, her sisters reminded her that her face was already on the tea towels. In other words, it was too late for Diana to back out.

The pictures taken on her wedding day revealed a solemn young woman, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and uncertain of what would be next for her and her Prince. The secret gift-giving gesture to another woman days before his wedding was downright cruel of Prince Charles. For Diana, doubt was cast. Even so, they ended up having the wedding of the century.

A Delusion is What We Think

Diana thought the “other woman” (Camilla) was the only woman who received a gift before the royal wedding.

Artist Credit: Delusion Painting by Soledad Lawrence at Saatchiart dot dom

Marrying a prince and adjusting to a royal life would be overwhelming for anyone. It would not be easy to navigate, no matter how “royal” you might be. Throw in another romantic partner to the mix, and the situation becomes electrically charged with deep-seated feelings and emotions. It would be easy to imagine how alone Diana felt with no one to talk to and not knowing who she could trust. Especially hearing and seeing Prince Charles through the lens of “that bracelet.” It was reported that Charles presented several women he had dated with gifts before his wedding as a “thank you/wish you well” sentiment. That very vital piece of information did not make its way to Diana.

“Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” – 1995
The Sydney Morning Herald

Attempting to master the pressures from the Queen, the “institution,” and the Public was what Princess Diana had to do. Eventually, not only did she acclimate, Diana became an icon for the royal family. Why? Because Diana was the People’s Princess. She had this innate ability to see people’s faces. All people. All emotions. She touched the sick. She hugged the children.

Reality Is What It Is

Prince Charles told Diana that he did not love her the night before the wedding because he “didn’t want to go into the marriage on a false premise.”
Prince Charles Confession Night Before Wedding was ‘Devastating’ for Princess Diana, by Jack Royston, Newsweek, 11/10/20

Princess Diana still managed to convey a caring personality through the pain of feeling unloved by her husband. Genuine. Loving. Kind. Insomuch that it likely threatened the monarchy. Most certainly, it threatened Prince Charles or, at the very least, caused him great pain and humiliation as crowds of millions wanted to see her. Touch her. Present flowers to her. All the while as Charles walked separately and looked disgusted and defeated.

Charles placed “duty” over “love” by marrying the “right” type of person. Diana was. Camilla was not. The stark reality was that Diana loved Charles, Camilla loved Charles, and Charles loved Camilla. Charles did not love Diana. For most new brides, the illusion, delusion, and reality of another woman in their husband’s life would devastate their marriage, self-esteem, and overall mental health.

Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 2

In a nutshell, the takeaway message from my previous post, “Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth, Part 1,” was this: duty and love rarely mix well. We looked at duty and love specifically through the eyes of the Church – between the Queen and her sister Margaret and her son Prince Charles. In both instances, all parties chose duty over love. In accordance with prevailing church doctrine, Queen Elizabeth denied her sister’s request to marry the divorced Mr. Townsend. And decades later, Queen Elizabeth dissuaded Prince Charles from pursuing Camilla.

In Part 2, we will see how love and this sense of duty became increasingly muddled as time passed. We go back to the early 1970s, when Queen Elizabeth’s son, Prince Charles, fell in love with Camilla. Although Charles was smitten with Camilla, his family disapproved. And the Queen made it quite clear that Camilla didn’t fit the mold for Prince Charles.

Lesson #2: Mothers Don’t Always Know Best
[Even if she IS the Queen]

Love and Worthiness

Most of us are familiar with the love affair of Camilla and Prince Charles. Meeting in 1971, it was widely reported that they had fallen head over heels for each. However, from the very start, this relationship would prove to be problematic. According to a book by Penny Junor, The Duchess: Camilla Parker Bowles and the Love Affair That Rocked the Crown, Camilla was not “perceived as aristocratic enough to be a princess.” Perhaps Queen Elizabeth didn’t think so either.

So, why was it so crucial for Queen Elizabeth to have a more “suitable” daughter-in-law? No one will know for sure, yet one can surmise it was due to the public’s perception that Camilla wasn’t “good enough.” In other words, this potential spouse of the prince would not be a positive role model. Would the future princess have what it took to be a royal? The Queen and many others no doubt didn’t think so.

Credit: Abstract Art by Maren Devine on Etsy.com

Questions to Ask

What does it mean to be “good enough?”

What does it mean to be a positive role model?

What does it mean to be a suitable wife to a future king?

In Proverbs 31, characteristics of a godly woman include lacking nothing of value, opening her arms to the poor, exhibiting dignity and strength, and speaking with wisdom. No one would argue that it would take a unique, powerful woman to hold such a public office. The potential princess must have a sound mind and a sense of duty to the monarchy and her husband.

Back to Queen Elizabeth. No one would argue that the Queen put duty first. Clearly, she did not see Camilla as a suitable wife for Charles. And consequently, she did what she could to derail the Camilla and Charles romance. Had the Queen minded her own business, Camilla could have very well been Prince Charles’ first and only wife. For him, it was a matter of love. For his mother, it was a matter of duty to the monarchy, the Church of England, and its traditions.

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I and Thou – Spirit of the Snow

Spirit of the Snow

Spirit of the snow,
Immorality oozing out our pores.

Ice crystals suspending in the atmosphere,
Clouds bursting with moisture.

Precipitation forming in favorable conditions,
White cotton balls accumulating on surfaces.

Snow falling from the twilight sky,
Dusting the ground all around.

Spirit of the snow,
Cleansing our souls to renew.

Image Credit: https://www.peakpx.com/en/hd-wallpaper-desktop-fjkzf

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Lessons Learned from Queen Elizabeth – Part 1

Image Credit: “Symbolic Transom” Religious Stained Glass Window (stainedglassinc.com)

Introduction

In the next few weeks, I will share my insight into relationships in the Royal Family. There is much to learn, I promise. We will look at key players and how they finally found love. We will begin with duty and love. And how at the end of the day, the Royal Family puts on pajamas like the rest of us.

Lesson #1: Duty and Love rarely mix well.

Duty and Love

I have been following the Royal Family in bits and pieces. I am no expert by any means. What seems so obvious to me was how Queen Elizabeth was torn between duty and love for her family. I felt it first in her affection for her sister, Margaret. She loved her so. I can only imagine how painful it was for Queen Elizabeth to deny Margaret from marrying her soulmate, Peter Townsend, who happened to be a divorcee. The Church had a lot to say about divorce in 1955.

Then, in the 1970s, I saw the Queen’s influence on Prince Charles and his secret love for Camilla, who, in the Queen’s eyes, was not worthy enough for him. Camilla was a “party” girl, and the Queen thought she would not be a suitable princess. This signaled a sense of duty weighing much more heavily than love. This baffled me as the greatest commandment is to love one another. Nowhere in The Bible does it say to love only rich people. Or love only those in one’s same socioeconomic class. Then, again, his divorce, public love, and marriage to Camilla in 2005 seemed to snub The Church and its anti-divorce platform.

Town & Country Magazine wrote, “A change in the Church of England’s rules about remarriage after divorce, which took effect in 2002, made it possible for Charles to marry Camilla. In an attempt to avoid controversy given their relationship history, the couple opted not to have a grand royal wedding, but instead married in a civil ceremony at the Guildhall in Windsor, and then had their marriage blessed by the Church in St. George’s Chapel. While the Queen approved of the marriage, she was not present at her son’s wedding ceremony. But she did attend the church blessing and reception.”

Fast forward to 2021. Prince Harry and Meghan. Not only did Prince Harry marry a divorced woman, but they were also married at St George’s Chapel in Windsor, England, where his father and Camilla received a blessing that preceded their civil marriage ceremony at Windsor Guildhall. We all are witnesses to the transformation that happened right in front of our eyes. In 16 short years, we went from a civil ceremony of Prince Charles and Camilla, two divorced royals, to a religious wedding ceremony in a cathedral of a divorced soon-to-be royal. I call that progress!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

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I and Thou: Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Can you hear them? The bells are ringing. The town crier is making the announcement.

Can you see them? The stars are brightly shining. The shepherds see them in the sky.

Can you smell it? The hay in the manager. The sheep are lying quietly, heads bowed low.

Can you taste it? The cool, damp air of the night. The child swaddled for warmth.

Rejoice!

Sing praises to the newborn King!

The sacredness of Christmas reaches near and far. The stars twinkle in the sky. The gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Hear ye!

Christ is born!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Image Credit: Nativity backdrop at Mybackdrop dot co dot uk

I and Thou: Hanukkah Night 8

Speaking as a non-Jewish bystander who profoundly appreciates the Jewish faith, tradition, and the stories surrounding it, I share the meaning of Hanukkah.

Hanukkah

Hanukkah is known as the Festival of Lights. It is an eight-day holiday to signify the burning of one jar of oil that lasted eight nights: hence the eight candles on the menorah.

According to the legend, when the Maccabees entered the Temple and began to reclaim it from the Greeks, they immediately relit the ner tamid, which burned constantly in the Temple and has a parallel in our synagogues to this day. In the Temple, they found a single jar of oil, which was sufficient for only one day. The messenger who was sent to secure additional oil took eight days to complete his mission, and miraculously, the single jar of oil continued to burn until his return. The rabbis of the Talmud attributed the eight days of Hanukkah to the miracle of this single jar of oil.
https://reformjudaism.org/jewish-holidays/hanukkah/history-hanukkah-story

So, when exactly did this event occur? There is an approximate date of Hanukkah beginning around 2o0 BC. It is not mentioned in The Bible, yet it signifies a Godly moment – a miracle, if you will.

The word “Hanukkah” means “dedication” in Hebrew.

Hanukkah is also commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem, known as the Maccabean Revolt. This historic event took place in the second century BC. According to the Hebrew calendar, this Jewish holiday begins on the 25th of Kislev and typically occurs in November or December.

Image Credit: My Jewish learning dot com

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